How did I end up like this?
So, as you have already seen, my range of interests is wide and pretty... not typical. I mix oil and water, yeah, I know. But was I always like this in everyday life, wherever I go?
No, not really.
For every of my habitats I choose one of my "presets". When I was a referee in a wrestling promotion, I showed myself exceptionally old-school, serious and brutal - not a single feat of something bright and colorful in me, except maybe a couple times when I wore a t-shirt with Octavia at the day of the show. In the internet (let's say in Reddit) I could freely discuss Helluva Boss, Murder Drones, but used to stay silent about my origins and what I do IRL, cuz "what happens if my friends from promotion recognize me?!".
Yeah, all of these presets resembled a part of me, these weren't fake. But I hated the fact that I have to supress something that is also of me! I felt like I never fully shown myself to anyone, even though they weren's strangers to me. And discovering such place as Neocities was a gift from above for me.
Of course, not only that made me decide that I want to be myself in every aspect - I just got fed up by this on my own, and Neocities only gave me a tool for this. Now, nothing will stop me from expressing myself however the fuck I want. Yes, today I watch "The Sopranos" and smoke a cigar, and tomorrow I watch "Helluva Boss" and feel bad for an emo-girl. Yes, today I wear a leather cowboy hat and listen to country, and ALSO today I play HOI4 and listen to nightcore. Yes, I'm Russian who likes old-school America and medieval Scandinavia. For all these, and many more cases, I have only two words:
So what?
I'm tired of hiding my true self, no matter how unusual, clumsy and unmatching this "self" looks. Am I living for someone else, or for myself? I bet on second option. And even if someone who knows me personally somehow finds this site - help yourselves, take a closer look. Maybe you know me less than you thought you do. By the way, if you look at the home page, left side of collage, and find a picture from the wrestling show - you can see me, in referee shirt. Yeah, I was in this match!
Alright, guys and gals. Just be yourselves, and don't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of you, and I'll think of what else to add to this website. I wanna make this a fun place for myself and everyone else. Stay tuned, folks, see ya!
03.10.2026